Second Set. You know what I’m talking about right? Two sets of kids; two totally different age groups. Awe, yes. My life got easy with the first three kids, so I boarded the Crazy Train and decided to have a set of twins. And, it just so happens that my second set of kids are my favorites.
Well, not exactly…at all. Please don’t roll your eyes and join the hate parade. Let me explain. My first set of children….that sounds odd… Like I keep them in a china cabinet or something. At the house we actually call them “the boys”. The boys are 24, 22, and 20, and they are all from my first marriage. I had the boys when I was 22, 24, and 26….so so young. Young and slightly stupid.
Having kids was something I had always wanted; there was no question. I adored them but, the timing could not have been more wrong. My marriage was falling apart from day one (as in walking down the aisle), so I was essentially a single mom. I was absolutely crazy about my boys, but teaching full time, and pulling all of the weight at home; I look back now and wonder if I was the best Mom I could’ve been. Do they remember that I was so tired in the evenings that it was all I could do to feed them, bathe them, and put them to bed? Do they hold a grudge because we had to shop all of the bargains, and only eat take-out on special occasions? Or, do they think of our trips to McDonald’s “only” on Friday nights as a special treat? They all laugh and say, “do you remember when Mom cut our hair?” It was a disaster….We have the Chrismas cards to prove it.
John and I married when the boys were 10, 8, and 6….He has treated them as his own since day one. Our “second set” of kids were born a couple of years later…twins. They are 11 now, and for some reason are still referred to as “the babies”. The babies have a different Mom than the boys did. A happier Mom, a more relaxed Mom. A Mom who plays games and goes to the park. A Mom who snuggles in bed, and brings up that extra glass of water. A Mom who can breathe now. For these reasons I began thinking that the boys might have the impression that my second set of kids is my favorite. Man, I hope that’s not the impression I give off…it certainly looks that way, though.
Here’s the argument. Having kids when you’re older certainly has its perks…at least for me and John it has been easier. I’m in a loving relationship with a man who shares the load 50/50. Being a stay at home mom….this just happened in past four months, and I gotta tell ya I’m ok with it. Honestly, my hat and everything else is off to working Moms. I don’t know how you do it all. We can breathe a little easier now that we are somewhat established in our careers; I’m speaking of John of course. In your twenties….speaking from personal experience this was a true struggle. When your older you also lose that desire to do it all….so you miss late a night concert. How about a movie night at home instead?
My 5 Loves
Bottom line…are my second set of kids my favorites? Heck no! But, having kids in my thirties has been easier. I wasn’t ready in my twenties. My marriage wasn’t ready…truth be told I wasn’t ready for my marriage in my twenties. Thirty something me was much wiser and more secure when it came to marriage and kids. And, now that I’m in my forties…let’s just say this IS the Mom you want. I swear they can talk me into just about anything now. You’ll be relieved to know that I have a wonderful relationship with all five of my kids, and that the boys don’t feel slighted. Each one of them realizes that life is real and that the struggles we are faced with make us stronger. In our house we have a rule based on my experiences: No one gets married until they are at least thirty.